Just when it looked like things were getting on track for Stephen Reidmueller (who this publication had confirmed was not fat) Jesus took the proverbial golden shower on him.
Secure with work for the first time since the Reagan administration, Reidmueller now appears to have Swine Flu.
“I saw him coming out of [the Pimptastic] bedroom buttoning his pants and wiping sweat from his brow,” said former Xinesi Alex Boudreaux.
Observers said they then saw Nan McPhee, a confirmed Swine Flu carrier exit the bedroom only moments after.
The Tejas Club is not a safe place to be at this time as the confirmed Swine Flu count (according to Dr. Jennifer Sites-Chaney) has risen to 2.
WE ARE DECLARING THIS A PANDEMIC! RUN FOR YOUR PORK-FEARING LIVES.
UPDATE: Israel’s Deputy Health Minister Yakov Lotzman just twittered me that the swine flu should be renamed “Mexican” influenza in deference to Muslim and Jewish sensitivities over pork.