Tejas POTNTGEF is back, baby!

Douche levels expected to increase dramatically.

Tejas Xinesi/POTUS POTNTGEF (President of No. 3 Gay Engineering Fraternity) Kyle BigPen15 is done with the LSAT. What does that mean? Essentially that means that your local Summer’s Eve product rep is back, baby.

summer's eve douche

He’s back. Baby.

Researchers concluded that the levels of douche around 26th and Rio had dropped to alarming levels during the time when BigPen15 was studying for the test. No matter how hard nice-guy-kinda-douche Weese Mafew tried, he just couldn’t sustain it. It also hurts the cause that while Pat Magnum has incredibly, off the charts, unbelievably, awe-inspiring, death-defying, historically-significant, levels of asshole/tool/prick/loathe magnet, his douche bag levels aren’t that great.

This has led to some enterprising young TA, somewhere, probably to study what exactly makes a douche bag for his doctoral thesis.

So, what is a douche bag?

A douche bag is lowest on the list of people you hate, below people who wear Crocs, Tools, cunts, jews, goths, people who say to-mah-to “təˈmɑtəʊ,” pussies, Bros, and assholes, respectively.

Well, at least the good kind of douche…We’ll focus on the good kind.

Paul Rudd Is A Douche For Sure

Paul Rudd , Noted Douche

Paul Rudd is a prototypical good douche bag. Think of his smug sarcasm, which shows excellence in the asshole field, but also think about that “shit-eatin’ grin” that accompanies it, anchored squarely in the douche field.

While these proverbial nozzles of hygiene may grow mustaches for irony, travel the country to see hair metal shows, or do other douchey things; in the end they are usually your friends.

Good luck to Kyle BigPenis, bringing back the douche like it’s 2-Thousand-and-5.

They are known to be very dangerous

Other than the pedo-douche, not particularly dangerous

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Tejas Chaos

As many of our readers have commented, “Tejas Chaos” is possibly the greatest softball team ever assembled, and much of it can be chalked up to their legendary pitcher, Prash Maga Pat Magnum.

If Maga Magnum keeps up his impressive pitching skills at tomorrow night’s game, he might think of challenging the famous Eddie Feigner, known better as the King of “The King and His Court.”

Feigner was called the “the greatest softball pitcher who ever lived” by the Washington Post. He began barnstorming around the country in 1946, challenging all comers, in a less staged Harlem Globetrotter-esque exhibition.

“Although I just started playing softball last year as a Newman for Texas Cowboys, I ownd it because it is a lot like playing cricket,” said Maga Magnum, an Indian national. “No, no, no, Cricket is my main sport, but I certainly think one day I will be the greatest softball player ever. Pretty much anything I do, I’m the best at. Girls, getting jobs at Goldman-Sachs, drinking, partying, talking shit. I’m a fucking Cowboy.”

Magadi has pitched at least one shutout inning in the 2-0 season for Chaos this season. They have 10 run ruled each of their previous opponents, but most still insist the offense is merely inspired by Maga’s Magnum’s impressive pitching.

“If I didn’t get to see the beauty that is Prash’s (Pat’s) p-p-p-pitchin’, I don’t think I c-c-could play nearly as well” said notable Longhorn football player Nick Zajicek.

Although Chaos has played a combined 6 innings in 2 games, Maga Magnum has commented that he would have no problem pitching an entire game, a concept that has some excited.

“I would trade my Edward Cullen poster and my fan-club T-shirt for a chance to see a full 7 innings of Prash (Pat)” said Clayton Huff, who often catches…in softball.

A man of this stature deserves a better street name than simply Prash Maga, which is often confused as the name of a terrorist cell in the middle-east. This columnist humbly suggests Pat Magnum. More to come.