Tejas Xinesi/POTUS POTNTGEF (President of No. 3 Gay Engineering Fraternity) Kyle BigPen15 is done with the LSAT. What does that mean? Essentially that means that your local Summer’s Eve product rep is back, baby.
Researchers concluded that the levels of douche around 26th and Rio had dropped to alarming levels during the time when BigPen15 was studying for the test. No matter how hard nice-guy-kinda-douche Weese Mafew tried, he just couldn’t sustain it. It also hurts the cause that while Pat Magnum has incredibly, off the charts, unbelievably, awe-inspiring, death-defying, historically-significant, levels of asshole/tool/prick/loathe magnet, his douche bag levels aren’t that great.
This has led to some enterprising young TA, somewhere, probably to study what exactly makes a douche bag for his doctoral thesis.
So, what is a douche bag?
A douche bag is lowest on the list of people you hate, below people who wear Crocs, Tools, cunts, jews, goths, people who say to-mah-to “təˈmɑtəʊ,” pussies, Bros, and assholes, respectively.
Well, at least the good kind of douche…We’ll focus on the good kind.
Paul Rudd is a prototypical good douche bag. Think of his smug sarcasm, which shows excellence in the asshole field, but also think about that “shit-eatin’ grin” that accompanies it, anchored squarely in the douche field.
While these proverbial nozzles of hygiene may grow mustaches for irony, travel the country to see hair metal shows, or do other douchey things; in the end they are usually your friends.
Good luck to Kyle BigPenis, bringing back the douche like it’s 2-Thousand-and-5.