@TexasSports—When You Text Don’t Drive, Do the Watermelon Crawl.

Drunk Vince's notoriously nice nips...no homo.

Drunk Vince’s notoriously “nice nips…no homo.”

According to the website of what some refer to the 3rd or 4th most reliable source of UT campus news (behind, at least: THIS legitimate, internet publication, The Texas Travesty, and Ryan Martinez’ Burn Book), there is some serious confusion as to what texting is and what being shit-canned is.

A bit of clarification before we begin: Texting

Not to be confused with: drunk

From DTonline  (emphasis is mine):

Kindle received an early test of his leadership skills last month. The senior ALLEGEDLY crashed his car into a West Campus apartment complex while text messaging in the early morning hours. That prompted a team-wide apology and an unwanted appearance in the spotlight.

“Sergio has asserted himself as more of a leader,” said head coach Mack Brown. “We felt like, with his negative this summer, it helped him in some ways to mature and step up.”

Kindle has also had plenty of help from [DE Lamarr] Houston, who experienced his own incident a year ago after being charged with DWI.

(Remember…charged with DRIVING WHILE INTOXICATED)

“He doesn’t text and drive anymore,” Kindle said. “He rides with me.”

Did Sergio Kindle just admit surreptitiously that he was in fact drinking, rather than the implied texting? Would this be as (facetiously) shocking to everyone in the greater Austin area as it is for me? Is he smart enough to know what the word “surreptitiously” means? Is he smart enough to find it in the dictionary? Would he laugh at the syllable before “tionary?”

If this was true, this would definitely be the first time that represenatives of Texas Athletics did such a thing. Ever.

And they would never repeat it if they did.

No, I think the Daily Texan just isn’t very good at this journalism bit, and misattributed the quote. I think it was supposed to be the immaculate driving record of Lamarr Houston who made said quote.

– University of Texas’ most reliable journalism “staff”

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