Andrew Nosh’s tenure as SEC prez began Wednesday at the changing of the guard ceremony that apparently makes Buckingham palace look like the Governor’s Mansion. [Editor’s Note: No, not too soon]
This effectively ends the term of Tramus Tranh, who despite his asian heritage neither was related to or ruled like Genghis Khan.
“Though small in stature, he was big in heart” SEC-insider Cody Jansen said gayly. “He’ll truly be missed, and hopefully he can give me pointers, when…err…if, I get the top position.”
Many reflected Jansen’s sentiments, however we were treated to a more candid side of the man formerly in the most important presidential position on campus.
“Dawg, I’m so glad I’m done with that ish,” said Tranh. “Those bitches always wantin’ everything from ya boi [all errors are sic, unless noted].”
He continued by suggesting that the S-E-C be renamed the S-U-C and pronounced like “suckkk.”
“I’ve had to keep up dis nice guy front, frontin like Pharrel, ya hurr me,” said Tranh very ebonicly, whilst performing something reminiscent of a “C-Walk.” “You about to see the real Tranh now muddafuckas, just a real OG. I’m bout to get mah money, get dem bitches, and get throwed up on dat yo and dat yac.”
After informing Tranh that he would not be getting paid for his services as SEC president, Tranh took a pull from a bottle of Hennesy, grabbed the nearest SEC groupie, and walked out of the Eastwoods Room of the Union. He could be faintly heard muttering “SEC-deez nuts. Gonna burn this bitch down,” but that cannot be confirmed at the time of publication.