This Friday, hundreds gathered to watch an area resident known only by the alias Robert urinate for an extended period of time, whilst eating crawfish. The event, billed as the Bob Pees Crawfish Boil, was put on by the university’s third most-known gay engineering fraternity, the Tejas Club. Guests were also invited to play croquet.
Regional physics whizzard Mark Montaro was amazed by the endurance of the young star. “He’s got an incredible stream. His rate, oum, of flow is really off the charts.”
Despite the impressive showing by Robert, there were accusations of performance enhancing products. Local authority Onterrio Smith questioned the Urinary Tract Star, but he was eventually cleared. Critics continue to denounce the color of the subject’s flow, though most believe it is due to the copious amount of beer.
Tejas member Dan Craponio seemed particularly impressed by the urination. “Look guys, I know piss, and this guy can really piss. I doubt he could be a Lasso, but come on!”
A large number of the crawfish were left uneaten. Rumors abound of a change in the famous Tejas boil recipe, though this reporter speculates that many were turned off by the guy urinating into the crawfish for 60 seconds.
Not to be outdone, Tejas rivals, Texas Iron Spikes have planned their annual Joe Poops Party (obviously hosted at the Spikes’ House) with those “backstabbing whores,” the Texas Spirits. “We’re excited about about the potential turnout, though we anticipate a problem with seating. We need to pick up more stools.”
To sum up the merriment, Tejas supporter Sam Punell said it best: “I don’t pee often, but when I do, I pee at Tejas.”